movies and books

often with movies and books i get really involved with the characters. i identify with one of them or another and then when the movie is over or the book is finished i feel suddenly disengaged and alien. like i'm still that person and suddenly i have found myself in this completely hostile and overly lit world and i don't know how to handle it or even what to do. i find myself getting startled by random little things. like the phone ringing. or my husband walking into the room.

i'll pick up the phone wondering which character from the book is one the other end. or i'll stare at jesse wondering how he got into this movie. except i don't think about them as movies or books just the place where i am and how are these random people or things that shouldn't be there there? and then i snap out of it and instead of feeling like myself again engaging in my surrounding i feel sad and empty. i feel like i've lost something.

maybe i wish i had the purpose these characters have. the ability to see the goal and the end. all i have to do is flip to the last page. or maybe i just crave escape. or maybe more realistically i have an overactive imagination which has always gotten me in trouble in one way or another.