findingemet

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

well i still don't have a job and i'm starting to feel totally useless. this is ocala! hell if i can't get a job here i might as well off myself because i'll never get a job in a real city. bah...

jesse has an interview tomorrow. *cross fingers* and *holding thumbs* which i think only makes sense in other parts of the world.

as soon as one of us gets a job we will have kitties!

-sarah

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

just got home to my parent's house and weighed in a 109 pounds this time. it's the most ridiculous thing really: i need to gain weight, i know this, but I don't want to. i like being thin gaining weight makes me feel all creepy. i'm doing my best not to think about it. thinking about food makes me all wierd so i think my best plan is just to try to convince myself to eat whatever i want and chill out. i am eating. it's just that my chaloric (that's not right) intake isn't high enough to keep me from losing weight and certainly not high enough to gain any. i'm just not hungry enough. i get hungry, eat a half bowl of pasta, and i'm done i don't want any more.

i have to regulate how much sugar, caffeine and alcohol i take because any of the three can make me feel like i have a killer hangover. sometimes i can eat lots of them sometimes any at all will do it. i think it depends on how much normal food i have eaten during the day in general. it's irritating. i've always had a sensitivty to these things which is aggravated by stress but when i don't weigh enough it gets worse.

it is so wierd talking about this stuff at all, but i want to talk about it somewhere and it seems easier doing it here than actually talking to a person. i talk about it to jesse every once and a while but he either get's too freaked out about it or treats it like it's no problem at all. so this is easier for me i guess. and it reminds me that while i'm trying to ignore what i weigh so i will gain weight i do have to be aware of it on some level or i'll just keep dropping pounds.

bah, this is odd.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

it has been quite a while since my last update and i find myself living in ocala. this is not the sort of live change i was looking for. going from england to redneck captial wasn't my idea of fun. it seems the local entertainment is somewhere along the lines of watching an old lady duke it out with a 30 something red neck at the golden corral over a piece of cornbread. (this didn't actually happen, but that's about the speed of things around here).

i can't wait to escape into the northeast.

the house is gorgeous i can't believe i live here. it's like a little oasis inside the dullness which is northern central florida. soon (i hope) there will be a cat (or two) to share the "fun" with. there are worse places i could be i suppose.

i have heard some from my friends in britain but not from a certain friend on another continent who i would smack if i could get close enough to him.

i will post more when i find out about the cats. one of the questions on the application form is do we plan to declaw them. my answer is yes so if they don't like that i may have to go elsewhere to find cats. i can't have them carving up the wood mouldings in this house, it's not my house. oh well.

*kisses*