so this is a post with very little to say and i find myself doing it just to let who ever might read this know that i am still here. and i do still have the ability to type as well. but honestly that's about it.

food

ah, so this is the states...and this is my computer....yes....sorry i've been so absent.

i am packing and job hunting (via the internet) and i'm tired of trying to invent interesting things about that to tell people and will leave you with knowing neither is much fun. though...i did find a cassett tape of my brother singing christmas songs to me for the annual car trip to georgia to keep me from screaming. he was about nine or ten i was about one or two. cute, really cute.

got on the scale when i got back. i've dropped down to 110 pounds. which is irritating. when i am stressed i don't eat (i don't really think about it) when i am really stressed i don't eat (more or less on purpose because that's just what i do and i'm learning to deal with it). and i did just finish my thesis...anyway...i was about 125 when i left for england. and i need to put on at least 5 pounds 10 would be better. it would help if i was hungry enough to do this or wanted to look 10 pounds heavier. i like the way i look at 110 but know it just isn't healthy. i don't really like talking about this but i need to get beyond that and not be afraid of saying that this is just something i will deal with and i will get through it (one bagel loaded with strawberry cream cheese at a time) and the next time i get stressed i will deal with it again and it will get better and it has gotten better from the way i was in high school. so...

i hate confessions.

anyway. miss you all. but i'm a hell of a lot closer now. =)

*kisses*
-sarah

almost there

well...my husband is snoozing away and i am tired of cleaning and trying to get all this stuff done. i walked down to the post office to send off the last three boxes to the states. i was wearing a backpack, wheeling a backpack, carrying a box and had on my purse. normally i would care that people were staring at me...but not today. i swear i only grow a spine when i have important things to do. otherwise, that'll be me under that rock over there. well not really.

going to go feed the cemetery squirrels again today, for the last time. *weep* i love those little guys. and then back to cleaning and what not and then maybe out with ezra and the lovely ellie. if we can get a hold of them and the house looks like somthing that can be finished in a day. because that is all we will have tomorrow. whee!

of course that means there is a plane in my immediate future, but i'm not going to think about that. i don't have time to think about that. and if i do at all i'll just think about what random things i'll be able to pick up in the amsterdam airport. what are you supposed to bring home from amsterdam? van gogh? porn? oh well.

-kisses,
sarah

"girl, you'll be a woman soon"

so i'm turning my paper in tomorrow, guys. tomorrow. the day after today. monday. in fact it's 10 am here i will probably be at the print shop right now. tomorrow. so that's 24 hours or so away. can i stress this anymore? it's almost over. i'm about to deliever a large part of my life for the last 5 months or so to the gods of the english office. and i'm less that thrilled. i find new things to add to my paper every day but it's already over the limit.

the strangest things have been occuring to me. mostly about going home. eating at the chinese restaurant down the street. going to blockbuster and catching up on all the movies i've missed. packing packing packing. painting my furniture so it's appropriate for my new grown up lifestyle. i've recently started to try to figure out if i am a woman or a girl at 23. if i am a woman when did that happened? and if i'm still a girl when should i expect womanification? such a strange delienation really. maybe when i turn in my dissertation i will be a woman.

it's friday and the time is drawing near when i am going to cut myself off from leigh hunt bind him up and give him away. i haven't told him this is coming, but i think he knows. they know somehow. the printer did what it always does right before the paper is due and had a temper tantrum. luckily it did it now rather than monday or sunday night. but, then again, there's nothing keeping it from doing it again. so we'll see. i insisted the laptop be turned off for a half hour last night (off off not on hibernate) because i'm pretty sure it hasn't been turned off in a least a month. i work on my paper jesse wakes up works on his i work on mine he works on his i work on mine i go to sleep he takes over until i wake up the next morning he goes to sleep and the process starts over again. our poor little laptop.

i will be home in less than a week. meaning several large tin boxes are going to carry me across the ocean stop off in a few cities and then home. i always have a bad feeling about flying i always think i shouldn't go because large tin boxes can only stay in the air for so long and one of these days they're just going to start dropping. and yet i always get on panicing and get off dazed. i hate flying.

anyway. i'm off to the department now. there's a room with all the old papers in it. a few of them i know are good because they belong to my professors. i need to check some formatting stuff.

-sarah