the food post

maybe i do not want baklava for my birthday... maybe that is because i have turned this city over looking for greek baklava and have decided it does not exist. i also might have bought a small amount of lebanese baklawa (not a typo) and while it is nice it does not taste like greek baklava. and so... maybe doughnuts... that sounds good... there's just something wierd about eating a cake between two people (not matter how tiny it is) especially when the person who is not you is on a diet and will leave you to finish most of the cake yourself.

jesse and i picked up a menu from Obento on the way to the movies last night. it has a picture of the sushi bento box which we have both decided is what we want. this afternoon i asked him if i could trade him my shrimp nigiri for something else of his. he said yes then ,"Do i need to point out the absurdity of arranging food negotiations a week before going to a restaurant?" well...i don't like cold shrimp...

on other food notes... i just made a banana walnut bread. i'm pleased with myself. i'm trying to use up the ungodly amount of baking supplies we have. sugar/flour that stuff. and also used up the yellowing (i like green ) bananas and the walnuts that have been sitting around (i think )since i made peter a carrot cake in december. and so...yes i am pleased with myself. *bows*

*kisses*
-sarah

focus...

so today leigh hunt and i are going to get friendly. no really. and i didn't ignore him yesterday we just need some time away from each other because we'll fight and then we start insulting each other's mothers and it gets ugly. so sometimes when i can tell leigh hunt is starting to bug me i go take a walk around the block or in grave cases ignore him for the whole day and pretend he's not here. but my jitteriness is subsiding and he and i are going to need to reconnect today.

my birthday is very soon. my mother sent me a package which was sweet of her. and after much diliberation (i'm serious) jesse and i have decided which restaurant to go to. so we're going to obento on sunday (because they're not open mondays). now if i can just decided which sort of dessert i want i'll be set. birthdays have come to represent for me going to dinner and some sort of senseless dessert. the idea of cake is not really thrilling me at the moment (especially since i'm a whole country away from loverly publix vanillia cake) but it is probably what i will decide on in the end because they sell them in mini form at sanisburys. but what i really want is baklava...and this city is irritating me by giving me no where to go find some.

well then. miss you.

-sarah

i am feeling so disconnected from people stateside. like they're throwing a big party and i'm not invited because they don't want me there. which is dumb because even if there were a party over there i could not attend...because i'm here. it's dumb i know it makes me all jumpy and sad though.

i think it's really time for me to go home.

so elle and i went out for cocktails last night. this is the sort of thing we should have been doing all year. there were cosmopolitians, sea breezes and some less interesting drinks as well that don't actually have hip names. there was also lots of "girl talk" which i have been sadly in need of in this country. because, as you all know by now, england doesn't have any girls. only about 5 per square mile...really...meh...

anyway. my friends are almost all boys and while i love them sometimes girl talk is essential. so here's to elle and i tottering around the city after dark! *raises coffee mug*

the paper is smarter than i am

i'm having one of those awful moments when i am 100% certain i am too dumb and or do not have the time to finish this paper. and for this reason i have sworn off working on it. for at least an...hour...or two...*sigh* it's not fair that things like this can become such an important part of my life. there are important things i need to do out there... ah...oh well.

peter is leaving for south africa on saturday. and i can't imagine i will ever see him again. unless i can talk him into visiting new orleans. all of you, by the way, should spend some time in new orleans. it is fantastic. odd to say good bye to people and know that's the last you'll see them. it's just wierd. and i'll miss him.

in other news... *looks around and under chair* oh come on is my life really this boring? elle and i are supposedly going out for drinks tomorrow. which is good there should be more chocolate orange martinis in my life. and less of leigh hunt.

ok. i'm ready to go home. yep...done...i wanna go back.

i miss people. especially the ones that i know i still won't see when i get back home. why can't we all have our own state to live in together? it'll be sorta like flagler but with out paper dead lines or roaches. and it will never be hotter than 80 degrees. and sushi will not be nearly as expensive there. yeah that's what i want.

i have almost 5000 words on my paper. what? you thought you'd get away with reading one of my posts without a paper update? so that's a third of the way done.

bought the book i'm going to read on the plane home. yep...that's 6 weeks away and i thought it was close enough that i needed to buy it now. now if i wasn't afraid of airplanes this would be perfect. but at this point there's still a huge thing between me and being at home. and that would be the atlantic ocean.

anyway...whoever you are that are reading this...yeah...i probably miss you quite a bit.

-sarah

book list

i now have 2,400 words. not bad. not enough...but not bad.

i've been making a list of books i want. because i always find and forget books i want to read.

i consists of books by annie dilliard, books about nuns, history of religion, geisha, japanese cook books, and then a hell of a lot of books on genocide. an odd list i know. but if i get accepted to one of these holocaust and genocide degree programs i'm going to need to prepare before showing up. looking at these books online is really wierd. i end up feeling so torn about human nature. but i don't ask myself why i am doing this. that i know. i feel the only way to prevent these things from continuing to happen is for some people to get educated and then teach others. so...i guess i fancy myself in the first group. here's to me not cracking up half way through the course. well...i need to get accepted first so there's no point at getting a head of myself at this point. i may be working at sears while jesse gets his degree for all i know. i only applied to three schools. all i can do is hope. i've been watching my bank account and i know all three schools have gotten my application materials because they have all cashed the checks. so here's to waiting!

other than that i have a dentist appointment on monday. and i don't like dentists. nor what going to one will do to my bank account. the waiting list for NHS dentists is in some cases extending into after we'll leave the country. and my tooth hurts damnit...and if i wait that long i'll probably need a root canal. so...

the weather is beautiful here. just gorgeous. sun and everything. it reminds me of november in florida. which i think may be my favorite time of year. and despite the knowledge that florida is sticky hot and plagued with bugs and hurricanes i'm ready to go home.

-sarah

grasshopper

i came home yesterday to find a grasshopper sitting on top of the overturned recycle bucket.
he was green which is unusual to me. in florida (while i have seen a green grasshopper once or twice) the grasshoppers are usually black with yellow or red or orange stripes down their backs. and then morph eventually into large disgusting yellow monsters. i have no idea what this little british grasshopper may morph into...

but as to yesterday he was just sitting there being cute. i got real close to him to get a good look at him and he started waving his arms back in forth of him frantically trying to scare me away. and i went into the house when i realized what he was doing to avoid stressing him anymore. but i was amazed and am still at his courage. he was only an inch long. when i grow up i want to be like that.

literature conference

went to a literature conference the other day. i really did not want to go. but off i went on a chartered bus (with air conditioning) to another university campus.

when i got there it was just about like all the other conferences i have attended. there was a table with with an awful tablecloth on it and seats behind it for the presenters. there were three rows of seats for the rest of us to sit in. no one sat in the front row. easier for us to absorb their papers, i suppose, with a barrier between us and them. them sending their thoughts and queries towards us in monotone twenty min. little boxes. we sitting there arms folded scribbling grocery lists on the handouts.

that's not to say i didn't enjoy the presentations. well some of them. one of them was so unsubstantiated that i cannot believe he was allowed to walk in there let alone read a paper. i'm not sure he's been taking his medication...though i do suppose he might need it. there is one thing i am certain of: he has not been trimming his eyebrows.

but i did indeed enjoy some of them. some of them were well laid out, thought provoking and wildly intelligent. and then there was the eyebrow guy...i don't want to talk about his paper.

and in between the papers there was tea/coffee. then lunch tiny sandwiches, cold chicken strips, tiny wrinkled sausages emasculated by toothpicks, large blocks of cheese (why would anyone eat a huge block of cheese on a lunch break...but they did...) and fruit. then there was more tea. and the next one was wine. awful wine...which tasted wounderful because it meant eyebrow man was finished, his was the last paper.

two of my collagues left with a bottle of wine. i was proud of them.

i also am so confused why there is so much sexual tension at academic conferences. some people seriously seem to go to these things to pick up someone. and some of these academic types are more than a little bit scary. you know exactly what i'm talking about. and some of them are adorable who know more about constructing arguments than making small talk and when one of these men tries to talk to one of these women it is one of the most adorable things i have seen. i feel a bit like i'm watching a discovery channel special though. because the guy is trying so hard to be interesting by talking about footnotes or obscure letters and the girl has no idea what is actually going on beyond the actual content of their conversation. so he walks away wondering what he did wrong and she walks away confused why he was so insistent on telling her that one of mary wollstencraft's letters reminded him of his mother.

so despite the fact that going to these things makes me nervous especially when i'm presenting (luckily the other day i was not) i will probably keep going to them. at least for the oppotunity for social commentary.

there were no sandwich woes today. and i'm feeling like less of a bitch so everything should be fine i think. though i think it might be better if i wore a shirt warning people i have problems.

points of intrest:
1. england is very hot and there are no A/C units anywhere and it makes me sad.
2. Jesse came in very drunk last night. and somewhere between holding his hair and putting him to bed i made him promise me sushi.
3. i wrote 600 more words. bringing me up to a whopping 1600.
4. i am still very very behind with my paper.
5. this apparently turns me into a bitch
6. but one day...(all too soon) it will be over

-sarah

so i've decided that i just don't play well with others. did anyone else know this? carrie is a perfectly nice indivdual and she's driving me up the wall. i think i need to accept it and move into a cave somewhere. or maybe just swear off master's thesis writing. though i'm not sure which one would be the most extreme step to be honest. i'm sure i'm going crazy though.

though it is getting a bit annoying that she's acting more like she lives here than i do. and i'm tired of her making my sandwich at lunchtime because everytime jesse says he's hungry and it's time for lunch she jumps up and follows him in there. and the counter space in there is such that there isn't any more room for me. so i just sit there. well...lie there really because i've been really really ill. and haven't felt like putting up much of a fuss about it. but now i am mostly well and tomorrow i am making my own damn sandwich if i have to tie her up and leave her in the bathroom. today at dinner when i decided that i didn't want the chicken i was eating (because i was pretty sure it wasn't 100% cooked....it's BBQ chicken from a few nights ago) she told me she would go make me a sandwich. um... does this sound wierd to anyone else? i mean...this is my house right? with my kitchen? and my sandwich making materials? i told her i wasn't hungry.

i swear i've been mothered more in the past 2 days than when my mother was here. and when i told her (also at dinner) that i was capable of getting my own napkin if i needed a second one she snapped at me about it.

i give up. there is no winning. but i will win about the sandwich thing damnit. oh yes i will.

whine, whine and bitch. i am so sorry. i love you guys.

p.s. i have gotten confirmation on 2 of the 3 apps i have sent to schools. confirmation that they were gotten that is. and they were confused. because they didn't ask they be sent until feb. oh well.

-sarah

this whole thing in london is awful. some of those stations are really far down underground and i sometimes feel quite closed in after realizing that i've just gone down three escalators. i just can't imagine being trapped down there or being trampled as people try desperately to flood back onto the streets. the whole thing is going to seriously mess up lots of people that were there today. it makes me sick thinking about what some people have gone through today. i wish there was something that could be done that would releive that trauma. but, of course there isn't really. i'm sorta speechless about the whole thing. just appalled and saddened.

so i have written my first 1000 words of my thesis. quite unexpectedly. i started writing an intro to give me some clarity on what i was doing. not really expecting to keep it and before i know it i'm defining deism. oh well. maybe cold meds are good for something.

on other related notes...i have 85 pages of quotes. not all that will make it into the paper (naturally) but 85 pages to deal with. i mean i could write a doctoral thesis with that. i still have 4 more books to deal with. two of them should yield at least 10 pages. *sigh* but...i have now started. and hopefully tomorrow i can get into the nitty gritty of trying to tack down a definition of methodism. or at least a few paragraphs about it.

on other unrelated news. i bought a box of those vanillia ice cream things covered in chocolate that we used to eat in school. comfort food is a must for this process. of course this means that i now have to figure a way to import valvetta shells and cheese with brocolli. on second thought my arteries may thank me for having that stuff on the other side of an ocean.

p.s. i have taken a 10 second video on my camera of jesse talking about how much he hates horseflies.

sqirrels and sneezing

so jesse and i are sick. though i didn't admit it till this morning when my throat has decided i shouldn't talk and my muscles are all very sad. i think they're fed up with me and trying to leave actually.

this happened yesterday.

me: jesse, there is a squirrel outside, it'll make you happy
jesse: well, then bring it here and inject it into me or feed it to me or what ever is necessary for all this to stop
me: that's not what i meant
jesse: well unless it's going to root around in my head and try to drive out this demon i don't know what use it is to me
me: you're suppose to look at it. it's cute.

he's too ill and groggy to try to actually catch them and grind them for medinical purposes. so i will rest easy. also...while in scotland we did not see any of those red squirrels i have read so much about. =(

-sarah

p.s.

p.s. eEp! that must have taken forever to load. next time i will remember to shrink the pictures.

tintern abbey

So we went to tintern abbey, by the way. Did I tell you? Any of you? Yes…yes we went to Wordsworth’s tintern, luckily the bastard wasn’t there…though if he was I would’ve taken pictures. There are few dead-white-men I hate as much as this man. I mean I’m indebted to him for being one of the main first generation romantics. But he really kicked around for longer than we needed him. I like a few of his poems especially the stuff from Lyrical Ballads but Salisbury Plain, The Excursion, Tintern Abbey, The Prelude…argh…these are things I could be tortured with…blah.

But anyway we went. It was beautiful. And I include here a few pictures. One of Jesse and I in front of a door the main actual church section behind us. And then one of me doing odd things on the pillar thingy.




*twirls in circle* yes, yes, back to my paper. Speaking of which David Hempton is one of the few live ones that I hate to this degree. And he has recently put out ANOTHER book. So once I finish with this one I have to go out into the world and find the other one. Why, why? Surely that book could have been delayed by a head cold or something until my paper was turned in. But no. *seethe*

return to the paper

lisa is gone and now i can get back to my paper and stop feeling like a tourist in the country i've lived in for the last almost year. and i have not done anything on the paper while she was here. which is what i feared. so it's back to the salt mines for me. or the coal mines. what sorta mines to english majors descend into anyway?

i have a long 4 days in front of me. carrie shows up on thursday and she will be here for 14 days. so i need to get stuff done before she shows. and then after she leaves jesse's dad will be here. all considered despite the fact that i will be here until september i only have about a month left to work on my thesis which has not been started. or a month of time when people will not be sleeping on the sofa and (despite the fact that i like them) making me feel like i'm the guest and they are the ones that really belong here.

to be honest i love house guests. i love draining a bottle of wine and eating chips with friends. long into the morning. solving the world's problems around 3 AM and then promptly forgetting the solutions the next mouring when rolling late out of bed. (i have a great program in mind for improving the american health system by the way). i love rediscovering the city i live in afresh as i point it out to people i really care about. and i really like knowing that when i call them on the phone they know where the phone is located in the house and where i am sitting.

but when there are more guests than not and i am currently desperately trying to pull together the most important paper of my thus-far academic career... well, i don't feel smart enough to write this paper at all let alone with an obstacle course constructed around it.

the worst part about having people here was that i couldn't fall apart. which i do about once a week when working on a paper. just on the floor crying and thinking that i will never finish it in time. and jesse comes and picks me up and makes me a sandwich or gives me a glass of port or just tells me he knows i'll do this and that he'll help edit (which he's actually gotten pretty good at despite some of his early undergrad papers) and i'm fine a little later. but i couldn't do that. and i need that. gets all the stress out and i can leave it there, balled up on the floor, and not come back to it for another week. i can't break down like that in front of the people that are coming. like lisa either asked me what was wrong all the time or worse told me to smile and that i should be happy. this did not go over well. that just makes me feel worse. because i need to break into bits for a half hour so i can get back to outlining a couple of hours later.

so. anyway. that's that. carrie is low-key. and self-entertained. and jesse's friend anyway. so this all should be less of a problem. i should have time to write and read and read.

i always feel like such a bitch for posting things like this.

god, now you all are never going to want to come visit me. no...really i like you. and i am very rarely writing a masters thesis. so there. yes, come visit. just not till this is over.