sorry, more complaining

we have the house. we will (probably) be living in ocala. i know not living with my parents is the better option but it also makes me a little sad. i like 'em i suppose. i'm suddenly feeling increasingly nostolgic about the whole thing and wondering if this is really what i want to do. we are pretty committed now though.

the job thing is another problem. a friend of jesse's mother is trying to get me a job. he won't give any details because it is apparently a very good job and it's not certain and he is not sure he can get it for me. the problem is i would have to start in mid-september. i had planned to spend 2 to 3 weeks with my parents. cleaning out my room (painting some of the furniture i will be taking with me) and helping them make my old kids-bedroom into an office for my father. if i get this job and decided to take it i would not be able to visit jude, i might not be able to go the wedding at all (if i did i would have to buy new tickets and go later because the ones i bought are non-refundable online crap tickets) part of going to the wedding was getting to see my grandfather who is very old and this would probably be the last time i would see him, jacque's visit while still entirely possible would not be as much fun for me because i would have to go to work and only get to hang out with my special-ohio-girl at night, and i probably wouldn't be able to get to st. aug when i wanted because all my free time would be spent going between largo and ocala still moving stuff in because a week is not long enough to do that in. it just seems like i'm giving up a hell of a lot to make some money. i may never get to see my grandfather again...

and yet jesse is pressing me to do it. and telling me it's my decision and what not but also that this would be very good for us blah blah. and i had already decided to do all these things and i decided that because i wanted to do them and these things are important to me. but i will feel like i am being impratical if i do not accept this job. hopefully this will be a non-issue and i will not even have to make this choice. that's what i'm going for. jesse really wants me to do this but i don't want to. this is not the sort of stress i need right now. i have enough to deal with i've only got a little more time to work on this paper. blah.