tomorrow i am going to have a CT Scan of my chest. i was unable to get in to see a lung doctor before my insurance ran out at the end of this week, however i figured...hey...i work in a center that does CT scans and i know the first thing these doctors do to you when they don't know what is wrong is give you a CT scan. i can get one of those! i can self-diagnose! i rock!

so my doctor agreed to give me a persciption and it's set for tomorrow.

but

without the doctor ordering me to go get this (this being my own idea) i can't convince myself it's for my own good. it seems to be just another hair-brained idea of mine. and so i can't tell myself to chill out and this is what i need to do. so i'm getting a prescription of something or other to keep me from climbing the walls when they come at me with a needle.

this!this! is why i can't have a baby. not because i think children are icky but because i can't handle needles. though, they are rather icky.

so. i'm trying to convince myself that the iodine contrast will not send me into shock and that the needle won't make me pass out (like last time).